What applies to other phobias such as vertigo or claustrophobia also applies to commitment anxiety: the fear does not disappear on its own, but rather increases. While relationship phobia was considered a phenomenon among men for a long time, we now know that many women are also afraid to commit.”
The causes of such anxiety can be found in the past. Negative experiences such as disappointments, injuries or traumas that have not been properly dealt with can be the reason for relationship phobia. In many cases there was a very painful separation in the past, which damaged the trust. Then it’s hard to commit again. The fear of having to experience such pain again is greater than the longing for closeness or love.
Origins in the Childhood
Such bad experiences often go back much further, sometimes even to the point where people cannot consciously remember them. In many cases fear of commitment originates in early childhood, often in the first two years of life. It is often caused by a dysfunctional relationship with the mother, the father, or both parents. The most common causes are:
- loneliness and deprivation of emotional security
- rejection or neglect by the parents
- fights between the parents
- overprotected childhood
Particularly in men, the cause of commitment anxiety is often a dysfunctional relationship with their mother. The loss of a close caregiver in childhood can be the reason for a later fear to commit, as well. Commitment and relationship are then concepts associated with negative thoughts due to the bad experiences.
Through emotional distance commitment-phobes try to protect themselves from being abandoned again, new injuries and disappointments. The fear of rejection makes it difficult for them to form a close relationship with another person.